I shouldn’t even worry anymore, I was made to be who I am- independent. It would be nice if you just let me in, but if you don’t, it’s cool. I’ve only lived fifteen years of my life, I still have long ways to go. 

I miss my room 118 fam already. We’re just too close and comfortable. I need to be around people like that all the time to be happy, but I’ve been really happy lately. 

It’s hitting me a lot more than it usually would. I’ll be graduating in no time. It’s hard to grasp all that’s happened over the past few years. I feel emotionally attached to the situation. I’m growing up. I have no time to worry about other people. I have no time to be crushing on any guys. I have no time for anything. I have to be more wise about the role I play in life. I just want to care for myself, but it’s not going to work out that way because I’m one to care about everything. I hate over analyzing things, I’m so young, but the start of a new life is right around the corner. It’s crazy! I have the worst feeling in my stomach right now and I wish it could go away because I feel like either crying or barfing. I don’t understand why. UGH. I wish I could open up to someone, but there’s no one really. 

I don’t want to like you… but I do.

It sounds so cliche when people tell you things to warm your heart up. Not everything, but things like “I’ll always be here, I promise you.”- this and that kind of stuff. Maybe it’s just me because I’m sick of it. I’m sick of people grasping onto something they think will be there permanently. I understand it’s normal- to feel, to fall. Some people take it overboard, letting someone else control that steering wheel of their life, their ego. 

Sometimes I feel out of place because the environment that surrounds me is not the likely place I’d want to be. My mind situates me in places too far from what I can reach which is pretty disappointing. Residing here was a good chance, a chance to find my future but it’s made me wiser than I expected. Now that I’m more of an open-minded person I learned, life is all about expectations, no matter what level. Every class has some sort of expectation to follow but then I wonder, what if I wanted to do something different with my life?  My heart flutters for my dreams more than my reality of achievements, expectations. If I disappoint you, I understand. I just believe I deserve to be happy, no matter what limit I cross. 

I hate how people assume I’m such a bad person, that I look mean. When I’m the exact opposite. 

I wish I would’ve given you the card myself because now I feel so awkward, thinking how it could’ve been way easier if I had just given it to you. Omg! I hate being shy.

I am fed up. Fed up with the uselessness of myself. Sometimes I just lay in bed thinking why I’m here when it seems like I serve no purpose. I don’t know where to find happiness. I surely don’t find it in most of things. My friends, I feel happy when I feel a part of them, but most of the time I don’t really mind being alone. It’s not so satisfying around people, so sometimes I like to wander off on my own. As the years pass, I’ve become a really independent type of person, even though this was the last path I would’ve ever chosen, but it all happened unexpectedly. I don’t care if people aren’t pleased with my decisions. People’s opinions about me go in one ear and out the other. I love that I’ve learned to look passed what I see. I go beyond my perspective, and I always seem to search for more answers, about everything, about life. Honestly, sometimes that isn’t always a good thing for me because I never seem satisfied with life in that moment, as if there’s something more out there. No one ever understands me. They underestimate my personality just because I have better company on my own. Yeah, most people need people around them, filling them with joy but I honestly find that in different explorations of everything but sometimes I feel that it would be nice to share how I feel with other people. Sadly, it doesn’t work out that way.

What I said earlier was just jealousy speaking.